CAN RADIO SAVE ITSELF? Christian Hoopes – Underground Online Long a friend of truckers, unhappy people in cubicles, and sports talk show hosts, radio was the dominant media of the 20th century, aside from books, movies, TV and the Internet. Radio still exists, though it's finally beginning to morph into XM. Still, as MP3 player sales skyrocket, one has to wonder if radio can save itself, or at least stick around long enough to fill the void in our cars until they can invent some kind of horizontally-shaped auto Pez dispenser.
There are myriad positive features and negative features of radio. Taking the positive first, radio is portable, which is good when you're stranded on a desert island and need to find out what kind of sales your neighborhood grocer is running. Radio is also not a visual medium, which is awesome given that many DJs are just people who weren't attractive enough to be on TV. On the other hand, radio's lack of visuals are felt when Howard Stern interviews all those bikini girls.
Radio is also in charge of all the music: It decides what you'll listen to, when, and for how long before it decides to interrupt your songs to try to sell you mortgages or bungee jumping lessons. Sure, you can affect your choices somewhat through the station you choose and the number of pre-sets you can flip around to, but when compared to a high-capacity MP3 player which can be loaded with nothing but songs you like and absolutely no commercials, that radio of yours looks less like a dynamic media device and more like a really long, monochromatic TV show about a number with a decimal.
Some radio proponents point out that part of the excitement of radio is the unknown, and the fact that you never know what they're going to play next. MP3 player owners, however, point to the little button on their devices labeled 'shuffle' and point and laugh at the radio proponents, ceasing only to walk away and listen to the music they love while the radio proponents wait patiently through a 15-minute string of Buick commercials.
In addition, MP3 players are not censored the way radio is. No FCC agent will appear any time soon to slap you with a fine for playing Lenny Bruce routines on your MP3 player they way they would a radio DJ who gets a little too graphic recounting the story of his visit to the urologist. Satellite radio is slowly becoming more affordable and competitive, and since it doesn't technically use 'air' waves, coming from space and all, it's exempt from the FCC's jurisdiction and can therefore play its music and DJs uncensored. Unfortunately, half of those songs and DJs are from Guatemala and couldn't be understood regardless of what kinds of things they're getting away with saying.
Which is good, actually, because most of the time, they're trying to sell us something, in one of the many commercials heard on broadcast radio. Though some commercials are creative, and even vaguely informative, we all know the vast majority of them are completely obnoxious and stupid, informing you about things you wouldn't care about if your life depended on them. We can honestly never conceive of a scenario in which we would want to look into an 'exciting and rewarding career' at a call center, or getting a technical degree in refrigerator maintenance.
Radio also has a disadvantage in comparison to MP3s and CDs in that it relies on a strong signal for its sound quality. You go through a tunnel or around a hill or mountain sometimes and that Nine Inch Nails song you're head banging along with turns into a Spanish cover of Journey's "Any Way You Want It."
Some argue radio provides valuable services such as news, talk, weather, traffic, and concert ticket give-aways for exciting bands at exciting venues, provided the band is Diamond Rio and the tickets are on the roof. It's true: You'll never have the opportunity to guess the 'secret sound' on your MP3 player or dedicate "These Boots Are Made For Walking" to your ex-girlfriend. You also might miss out on valuable traffic and weather information, such as that the traffic is bad at rush hour and the weather is generally whatever the sky looks like outside of your car.
Cost, however, eventually enters into the equation. Radio is free and only requires the hardware and a pair of ears to be enjoyed, whereas MP3 players are much more expensive than hardware and require MP3s, which either need to be purchased (expensive), stolen (illegal,) or ripped from existing CDs (monotonous). You also need to do some file organizing and other tinkering on the computer in order to have everything in order for your MP3 player, whereas 10 seconds of choosing your pre-sets will be just about the only maintenance you'll ever have to do on a radio, apart from hammering out the dents from where the semi ran over it when you tossed it out the window during an annoying jeweler ad.
It all comes down to effort and availability. If you've found a radio station that fulfills your every need, it's definitely the cheaper and easier option to stick with the 20th century's finest. But if you've got several hundred dollars and hours available to purchase, fill, and organize an MP3 player, the payoff is rich. In the best of both worlds, the makers of MP3 players would simply put a small radio antenna on their devices, enabling it to be both. But until that happens, we have some handy recommendations for how you can modify your MP3 player to infuse it with radio-like capabilities.
1. Every 10 minutes or so, turn it off and call a direct marketing call center and let them try to sell you things.
2. Occasionally change the song to a track that's nothing but static so you can simulate the ups and downs of radio reception.
3. If you need Car Talk-like advice, hit pause and call your mechanic.
4. Fill your MP3 player about 75% of the way up with songs you don't like. Then break the 'skip' button.
5. Set the player to 'shuffle' and try to guess which song comes up next. If you get it right, reward yourself by shoplifting some Cher CDs.
6. And finally, hold your MP3 player out the window to determine the weather report. If it's raining, your MP3 player will be broken when you pull your arm back in. |