youwereinradiobefore

YOU WERE IN RADIO BEFORE ...

Jim Glass – AllAccess

Now that the budgets are filed, and hopefully approved, it is to time relax and have a little fun. How about a tongue-in-cheek look at where we have come from? Ever think about ...Crystal microphones, Magnacorders, crank turntables, wire recorders? How about cart decks, Ampex reel-to-reels, razor blade editing blocks, Hooper, Birch, or teletype machines? Or, actually producing a commercial in a studio rather than on a keyboard at your desk?

Ok, so you are in your 30's or 40's and have no idea what I am talking about, but just imagine that in 20 years someone will ask, where are they now ...CD's, mini disks, iPODS!

Now that I have your attention, the following was written by Don Keith, former Billboard Magazine COUNTRY and CONTEMPORARY "Radio Personality of the Year", and co-author of the national bestsellers FINAL BEARING and GALLANT LADY. This Nostalgic look at our often off-the-wall business is the perfect way to relax and end the year.

However, before you start the list, take a minute to think about that one person -- or two -- who has meant the most to you in your career. Then take a moment to pick up the phone ... well, you know the rest!

YOU WERE IN RADIO BEFORE 1970 IF YOU ...

Remember Joe Pyne and "Mooo-tual News!"

Threw away the transcription disk players to put in Tapecaster cart machines.

Can name the Conelrad frequencies ... or even remember what Conelrad was.

Worked at a campus radio station that used carrier current transmission ... on AM.

Managed to pass your "third phone" and took meter readings every thirty minutes during your on-air shift ... or at least faked them.

Think Wolfman Jack or Clint Eastwood in "Play Misty for Me" is the greatest jock of all time.

Can name the first record you played by Elvis or The Beatles.

Wouldn't put a song on the air if it had "damn" or "hell" in the lyrics.

Got your start in the biz doing anything that had to be done at a daytime AM in Bum****, Egypt.

Had an opening and closing theme song for your show.

Carried a rate card with only two prices ... one for thirties, one for sixties.

Know who Arthur Godfrey was ...and probably ran board for his show somewhere.

Scratched up tracks on an LP or a "B" side with a screwdriver so your jocks couldn't "accidentally" play them on the air.

Quoted ratings from Pulse and Hooper.

Stopped "spinnin' the hits" to join CBS News at the top of the hour.

Worked at a station where the weekend guy was always named Johnny Holiday and the night jock was named Dan Dark so the jingles didn't have to be changed when they ultimately got canned.

Got your on-air "chops" practicing in the production room after midnight.

Brought records from home to play on your show.

Got "hot-lined" by the owner ... or the owner's wife.

Ever tried to hoist your station banner to the top of the competitor's tower.

Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on reel-to-reel tape.

Had a show on the air that didn't fit the station's format at all ...just because some sponsor had been buying that slot for years.

Air-checked your show on the big Ampex in the production room.

Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found some of them selling spots for the competition.

YOU WERE IN RADIO BEFORE 1980 IF YOU ...

Ever had a client tell you that rock or country music would never make it on FM ...and had an owner or GM who agreed.

Did a promotion to give away FM car-radio converters.

Put a quarter on a tone arm so it wouldn't jump off a warped demo 45 you just had to play ...and it was the only copy the station got.

Could remember the intro time and the color of the record label on every song you played ...but couldn't recite any of the lyrics except the first and last lines.

Know what PAMS were.

Worked at a campus radio station that was on FM but ran less than ten watts of power.

Started a 45 at 33 1/3 or vice versa ...and didn't notice because you were on the phone with a listener of the opposite sex.

Air-checked your show on a boombox beneath the console.

Ever interviewed an artist on the air who was too stoned to be coherent.

Wouldn't put a song on the air that had any of George Carlin's famous words in it ...but pretty much anything else went.

Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on a cassette swiped from the sales office or newsroom.

Worked at a station that had a newsroom!

Can remember the first record you played by The Doors, Janis Joplin, or the Allman Brothers.

Got your start in the biz running preacher tapes on Sunday morning.

Think either Scott Shannon or that guy in the movie "FM" is the greatest jock of all time.

Accidentally let a listener say something obscene on the air because you didn't really have a delay.

Got your on-air "chops" doing a 3 AM-to-5:30 AM shift for minimum wage.

Worked at a station where somebody got fired and, on his way out, ran a magnet up and down the commercial-cart rack.

Got "hot-lined" by the PD.

Had a customized jingle with your name in it.

Once pretended to (or maybe really did) smoke a joint on the air.

Got your first real job in radio ...doing midday's on an AM easy-listening station with a total audience of six folks.

Took a trip to a "showcase" at record company expense and never actually got around to hearing the label's act perform.

Worked the overnight shift and had to wake up the morning guy (who was sleeping off a bender on the lobby couch) so he could do his show.

Arranged to meet people of the opposite sex that you talked to on the request line, but some place where you could see them before they could see you.

Did a remote with a mic amp and a pair of alligator clips connected to the telephone mouthpiece.

Included the words "FM Stereo" as part of your legal ID.

Watched your music director put colored dots on each record shuck to tell you which category they belonged in.

Paid money for air checks of Don Imus, Don Steele, Cousin Brucie, or other big market jocks so you could emulate their style.

Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found them working for an FM station somewhere.

YOU WERE IN RADIO BEFORE 1990 IF YOU ...

Had to re-dub a seven-minute song to cart because you forgot to run it through the splice finder first.

Recorded spots on half-inch multi-track.

Ran an EBS test off cart and forgot to punch the tones button on the unit in the rack.

Could take a job at the big rival station across town without being afraid your old station would buy them next week.

Had a "jock shout" jingle with your name.

Quoted ratings from Birch.

Worked at a campus radio station that played music nobody in the frat houses had ever heard of ...but that was so-o-o-o cool to you and your friends.

Know what Lee Abrams did before satellite radio.

Got "hot-lined" by the consultant ...from poolside at his place in Malibu.

Had your girlfriends/boyfriends aircheck your show at their places so the processing would make your voice sound better.

Can remember the first record you played by George Strait or Madonna.

Thought all records came from the label rep with cash or a small baggie of controlled substance shoved inside the sleeve.

Think Tom Joyner, "The Greaseman," or Dr. Johnny Fever is the greatest jock of all time.

Worked at a station where somebody who got fired put sugar in the gas tank of the station van.

Made sure your music director did a music log on the computer every day ...but he sometimes forgot to leave the print-out in the control room for the overnight guy.

Ever worked for a station that proudly proclaimed its format to be "Soul," "Underground," "Countrypolitan," "Easy Listening," "Disco," or "Hot Hits."

Got your on-air "chops" doing a weekend shift.

Got your first real job in radio ...as promotion assistant, washing the van, delivering registration boxes to sponsor locations, and sorting tee shirts by size.

Quoted ratings from Accuratings.

Thought "Clear Channel" was an AM frequency that had only one station in the whole country licensed to it.

Try to look up your old on-air staff and find them doing talk radio somewhere.

YOU WERE NOT IN RADIO UNTIL AFTER 1990 IF ...

The only kind of "vinyl" you know about is the material covering the walls in the sales lounge.

You think a 45 is some kind of new spot length the corporate guys want you to start selling so they can get more units in a break.

Tape, turntables, and cart machines, so far as you know, are only to be found in the Museum of Broadcasting or non-rated Arbitron markets.

You ever airchecked your show from the station's Internet stream.

You tell people your morning show's live ...and so what if it does come from Charlotte, Dallas, or LA?

You worked at a campus radio station that ran commercials and had a sales staff.

You worked at a station where somebody who got fired re-formatted the hard disk on the Audio Vault computer on his way out.

You can tell clients with a straight face that listeners are more than happy to sit through twelve commercial units so they can be around for "another long set of the best music from the 80s, 90s and today."

Your station has a "voice guy" from some other market, an exclusive "promo rep," and almost as many sales "managers" as sales "people."

You instructed a prospective employer to download your aircheck from the Internet as a WAV or MP3.

You know which investment firm handled your group's IPO.

You think Howard Stern is the greatest jock of all time.

You got "hot-lined" by the cluster manager or regional VP of programming.

Your music director does a music log every day but never prints it ...it goes straight to the digital storage computer.

You got your on-air "chops" in the production room after midnight.

You can remember the first song you played by Eminem or Mariah Carey.

You stop by the station at night and there are six on-air studios ...and not a soul in the building but you.

You got your first real job in radio ...as morning show "producer," dubbing laugh tracks, fetching coffee, and streaking the mayor's prayer breakfast.

You try to locate your old on-air staff and find most of them are selling cell phones from a kiosk in the mall.

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